CoffeeCon: Plenty of dating couples and not yet a single (documented ) duel ending in death or dismemberment fought.

CoffeeCon: Plenty of dating couples and not yet a single (documented) duel fought ending in death or dismemberment – not one!

The birth of my first grandson has freed me from the bonds of secrecy. I will now share my cherished secrets of how to remain true to my coffee mania mission, while staying just normal enough to date, marry and produce offspring. There are plenty of online videos to help you with that last one, but the first two are often misunderstood and I see it every day.

Example 1

Boy: “How’d you like to come up to my place for a cup of coffee?”

Girl: “Bird friendly?”

Example 2

Girl: “Oh, you kiss so passionately. I’m afraid I’m starting to fall in lo…”

Boy (breaks in): “Hold that thought. Shhh, I hear the water. The Aeropress brews best at well under boiling. When I start to hear that slight bubbling, it’s time. Back in a flash…”

In each case, the coffee was first, the person second. Good for the coffee business? Hmmm I think not!!! It’s simple math. When I met my wife, Patricia we went on coffee dates, married and then produced three offspring. They are all coffee drinkers. So: 1+1=5. It doesn’t take Howard Schultz to understand that math. So, a successful date at CoffeeCon might lead to something else very good for the coffee business… market growth. But if CoffeeCon does nothing but affirm each attendee’s coffee enjoyment and enrich each party’s future coffee making prowess, we’d done our job. Still, a successful date has been mathematically proven to be good for the future of coffee. Here are some CoffeeCon dating success stories:

Example 1

Boy: “Hey how’d you like to spend the day with me, Sarah? I arranged it so that every coffee under the sun has been picked at the peak of perfection, and then roasted and brewed moments before we take a taste. I know I’m not worthy, but I’d like everyone in the world to know that, while I can’t control the World Bank, I can give my wonderful Sarah any coffee her heart desires.”

Girl: “Oooh, sounds nice. I’m supposed to go to the Academy Awards that day down in Hollywood with Scott Eastwood, and to dinner with his dad afterwards. But I’m sure it’ll be alright once they hear what we’ve got planned.”

Example 2

Girl: “Please, Brandon, oh please!!! Let’s go to CoffeeCon this weekend.”

Boy: “Nothing doing. Those roasters are predators. You’re too cute to expose to that pack of wolves.”

Girl: “But, I just know that Aeropress hacks class has ‘Brandon’ written all over it. And, George Howell, who’s been called The Father of Coffee’s Third Wave – he’s nice.

Boy: (turns and winks to us): Well, alright. I guess just this once.”

See, there are plenty of good reasons to make a day of it at CoffeeCon. We’ve got the world’s greatest coffees to sample, but you knew that. We’ve got George Howell’s two hour tasting seminar. That’s longer than some commodity roasters spend training their buyers. We’ve got classes so you can literally brew better coffee forever at CoffeeCon. We’ve got gourmet food trucks, treats. And, if you’ve already taken all my above advice and have kids, if they’re under twelve, they’re in free. And, you can still call it a date.   CoffeeCon – The Consumer Coffee Festival